Monday, May 17, 2010

Do I need to send flowers to a funeral service for a family friend?


This was a family friend, right? Not a particularly close personal friend of yours?

The social custom of sending flowers and plants is usually left to close friends and relatives, organizations of which the deceased was a member (including work), and people who live too far away to attend a funeral or wake/viewing/reception.

Attending the funeral would be generous with your time, and showing up at the wake would be polite.

Delivering groceries, prepared food in a disposable container, and dropping by to express your condolences THE WEEK AFTER THE FUNERAL would be kind and supportive.

I have often found that after the grief comes loneliness, and people "give them their privacy" just when they most could use a short visit and some company.

Do I need to send flowers to a funeral service for a family friend?
It would be a nice gesture. You should certainly send a note to the family.
Reply:yes certainly sending flowers to a funeral service and moreover your presence at the service will be apt. in case you are out of town and know if the service send the wreath
Reply:Would be a nice gesture, show you are thinking of them in their time of grief. If not flowers , then a plant with a card.
Reply:Not required, but it would be proper etiquette.
Reply:That depends on the family. Some families would rather have a donation to some special cause, than to have money spent on flowers. When our son in law died, our daughter asked that instead of flowers, people donate to a scholarship fund (he was a teacher) and the income from that fund sends several low income/bright kids to university every year. That's a much better memorial than a bouquet that will wilt in a day or so. Another friend who died recently, was suffering from breast cancer. Her husband asked for donations to breast cancer research. The Terry Fox Foundation, which has raised hundreds of millions of dollars around the world, is dedicated to cancer research. Cancer killed Terry Fox and his mom and dad, Betty and Rolly Fox, asked for donations to cancer research instead of flowers. Recently the Fox Foundation announced that research they had supported has made a significant breakthrough in leukemia - and they are now able to combat what was once a 100% fatal disease.

Less dramatic, but just as touching, are the memorial benches (with a little plaque naming the person they honor) that line the seawall. They are used by hundreds of persons each day and are a nice way to remember someone.

So the question of flowers is very much dependent on how the family would like the deceased to be remembered.Some people equate a church full of flowers with proof that the person who died was well loved. If that's the case, then send flowers. You're just going to have to make the decision of what would be most welcome and most appropriate.

I'm sorry for your loss - old family friends are sometimes closer than real family. But I'm sure you'll find a warm and loving way to remember them.
Reply:If this was a close friend you should send flowers, or you could make a donation, or if you just don't have the funds.....make sure you attend the wake or funeral and definately send a note to their family. Sorry to hear of your loss.
Reply:Sending is just find. But, what would really be the best, is if you could actually take the flowers to them with a note... thats if your not far and you could go then, just take them. The family will greatly appreciate it.
Reply:First of all, my heart aches for your pain from your loss. Second of all, I know I can't afford flowers so, I would just have to go to the funeral with my little home made card in hand and ready to hug up on all of the others that are hurting from the loss also. I really don't think that the family goes around afterward and says "hey, did you notice John didn't send flowers?". I know I didn't after my Mom's funeral.
Reply:I would attend the funeral, send a card within a 1-2 weeks of the funeral, bring food to the family (if that's the custom in your area), and make a donation to the charity of the family's choice.
Reply:It would be nice but a card and your thoughts are nice if on a limited budget.
Reply:Yes or a mass card.
Reply:Actually, I don't think flowers are a great idea. They will be getting TONS of flowers. It is often very nice to get them groceries--I know it sounds kind of stupid, but who wants to go get food when they are grieving?
Reply:It depends on your customs/your family's customs.

I would definitely send a card.

Maybe you could ask your parents or sibblings for advice?

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